I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize