we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
