I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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