remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
