The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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