just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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