No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's blow job season.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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