i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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