I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
