Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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