I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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