hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
