just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
