It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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