Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
