Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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