Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
