These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
