I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
