yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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