mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
