Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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