Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
