I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
