Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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