Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
