shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
