I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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