I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
