just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
