My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
