just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
