Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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