oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
