you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
