Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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