You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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