My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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