i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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