ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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