My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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