My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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