ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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