I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
