How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
