you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
