im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
