my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
