so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
