i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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