We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
