its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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