I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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