wanna go halves on a baby?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
