Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
