I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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