Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
