Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im holly from the hills drunk
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
