So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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