Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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