dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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