I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
