proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
