i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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