Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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