remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
