the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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