I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize