That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
