You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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