Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
