Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
