i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
