it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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