I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so let's talk penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
