I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
