Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
