the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
