I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
